


Dying, Coming Back to Life, and Other Ways to Avoid Defining the Relationship

by gladdecease



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Gay Relationship, Emotional Constipation, M/M, Relationship Discussions, Temporary Character Death, The Suffering Game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 09:18:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10694037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gladdecease/pseuds/gladdecease
Summary: "Taako, you landed on skull in the last round, didn't you?""Um.  Yesss...?""Bad luck."





	Dying, Coming Back to Life, and Other Ways to Avoid Defining the Relationship

**Author's Note:**

> Do you ever find yourself idly drafting AU notfic in your head, when suddenly a scene punches you in the face and says "fucking _write me_ or else", and the or else is that you'll never stop thinking about it otherwise?
> 
> There's a couple of those in here.

"Taako, you landed on skull in the last round, didn't you?"

"Um. Yesss...?"

"Bad luck."

The Animus Bell rings, and Taako gets fucking - kicked in the chest by an invisible horse or something, he nearly falls over. The world goes gray and distant in a vaguely familiar way and aw shit, he's in the ethereal plane.

"The fuck," Taako says, staring at himself. It's nice to know he looks as banging from this angle as all others, but still, there's a lich in there. _Ew_. He's gonna have to go on a spiritual cleanse diet to get the undead residue out of his system - assuming he manages to get back in his body, which is seeming... a little less likely than Taako would like. Because he's not just floating in the ether like when he casts Blink, he's drifting backwards towards something.

A rip, a hole in the fabric of space, with the vast darkness of the astral plane on the other side.

 _Fuuuck_.

It'd be bad enough if Taako were just, you know, _dying_ , but the closer he gets to the rift the more clearly he can see that there's some bad, bad shit going on in the astral plane. That calm ocean of lights, souls lit with a gentle, peaceful glow? Yeah, it's gone dark. Worse than that, there's something floating on the surface that reminds Taako of black opals, and of Paloma's prophecy.

Ain't nothing good about that shit.

A pair of hands claw their way out of the ocean, followed quickly by a familiar head. For a moment, Kravitz stares up at Taako, wide-eyed with panic.

He gets pulled back under, this terror on his face like Taako's never _seen_ before, and Taako just - fuck it. He's _basically_ already dead, right? So he stops resisting the pull of this rift, and when he drifts within reach of the ocean he sticks a hand in and waves it around. Right away he connects with something solid and cold to the touch. He squeezes tight, recognizing the feeling of this wrist under his hand. Five fingers wrap around his wrist, and Taako knows their grasp is solid. He concentrates, building up magical leverage to counter the pull of the ocean, and tugs on Kravitz's arm, hard.

But as hard as he pulls, the oily waves seems to pull harder, and slowly, inexorably, they're pulled back underwater.

Hopeless, helpless, dead and doomed twice over now, Taako decides to embrace death.

Like, literally. He wraps his arms around Kravitz and pulls him into a kiss.

This isn't new, the feeling of those cool lips on his. Kravitz was slow to start showing affection, but once he got into the spirit of things it was like a spigot had been released. Taako's been kissed hello, goodbye, good morning, and good night. He's been kissed because of the way he looked in certain lighting, and kissed because he'd made Kravitz laugh for nearly a minute straight. He knows how Kravitz kisses.

This is a goodbye kiss, turned up to eleven. All the longing and affection that he's used to are there, but with a tenderness that would make him gag if, well... if he wasn't kind of feeling it too.

Whatever feelings Taako's feeling, he's not going out on this morbid note. He puts all of himself into the kiss, transforming it from "I'm not gone yet" to "I'm still here", the least gloomy thing he can manage given... everything that's happening. It kind of resonates in his chest a little, in a voice not his own - I'm still here... I'm still here... Taako, _I'm still here_ \- but that weirdness can go ahead and wait until Taako finishes dying to explain itself.

And then, suddenly, what little sensation he had vanishes, while just as suddenly gravity returns. Taako is somehow standing upright when Kravitz jerks back, a weird, pursed-mouth look on his face. "Sorry," he says. "I, ah... wasn't expecting that."

Which is a pretty weird sentence to be hearing at a time like this, until Taako looks down and realizes he's in the body of one of those wooden mannequins. And yeah, Taako can honestly say he was not expecting this either.

"Uh. What?"

Taako turns to see that the elf liches are standing on the catwalk, frozen in place. The pose Edward picked is a good one for Taako's bod, but lich possession _really_ isn't doing anything to improve on his looks, so that's gotta go.

A shield clatters to the ground, and... oh, yeah. Magnus and Merle are up there too - not in the spotlight, so it was easy to overlook them - and they're staring.

Right. Right. Why wouldn't they be staring? They don't know about... a lot of stuff, re: Kravitz, and Taako and Kravitz, and... and a lot of stuff!

And damn it, Taako had wanted to _keep it that way_.

Oh, well.

" _So_..." Taako sweeps a hand around like some kind of Fantasy Vanna White, putting Kravitz on display. "You guys remember Kravitz, right? Krav, you remember the guys."

"The _hell_ , Taako."

There could've been an awkward exchange of greetings after that, or maybe Merle would've brought up the lost-arm thing _again_ \- sheesh, so your arm got chopped off, _get over it_ \- but for once things go Taako's way. (Sort of.) Before anyone can do anything stupid or embarrassing, Lydia points an accusing finger at Kravitz and says, "Who is this? And how on earth did he get into Wonderland without our knowledge?"

Kravitz looks at her, and his jaw drops. (Rude.) "Oh... my god," he says. His big ol' book of bounties pops out of nowhere and he only turns to the second page before he grins and it vanishes. "Ho-ly _shit_. I - Taako, I could really, thoroughly kiss you for this."

"Ew," Magnus mutters.

Now that sounds pretty good to Taako. "Mm, what's stopping you, babe?"

"Well, uh. Splinters, mostly."

Taako considers that. "Yeah, that's fair."

A little smile crosses Kravitz's face, but it fades - along with the rest of his face, as he goes full Reaper-mode. Pulling his scythe out of nowhere and putting on his dumb-but-also-cute work accent, he says, "Lydia. Edward. The Raven Queen has been after the two of you for a long, _long_ time."

Edward hisses, "Are you _kidding_ me here, they brought in a psychopomp?!"

"The Raven Queen herself could come for us, for all it matters," Lydia says. With a twist of her hand she turns some of the gaseous suffering into a massive steel beam that will easily crush everybody to death, which is... not ideal. Taako's pretty sure even his current wooden body wouldn't survive that. But before it can actually land, more suffering turns into a pair of statues that catch the beam.

And hey, look, it's the Red Robe guy, standing in a magical action pose that kinda screams _I did that thing just now_.

Kravitz gives the Red Robe a look and says, "I may not recognize you, but I'll be taking you in too."

"Oh, come on, he's helping us!" Magnus says. "He's obviously helping us right now!" Kravitz is unmoved. Magnus gives Taako a plaintive look, for some reason. He jerks his head towards Kravitz - oh. Ugh, _fine_.

"Babe," Taako says, putting a restraining hand on Kravitz's shoulder. He gets a look in response that he _definitely_ needs to see in more private circumstances - or maybe it's just the skull face he needs to see more of, hard to tell. Maybe both? "I know it's in your job description and all - thou shalt not suffer a lich to live, or whatever - but that guy's... kind of chill? For a lich? Plus, you know, we'd probably all be dead without him?"

Kravitz gives Taako a pointed once over, and yeah, _okay_.

"Dead _er_ , you pedant."

Kravitz looks at Taako, then at the lich - solidly formed, hands palm-up, trying to look as harmless as possible - and sighs. "Fine. But should he lose his mind..."

"Hey, you do you, compadre."

Thus assured that nobody on his team is going to be killing each other (for the moment), Magnus hefts Railsplitter into the air. "Enough talking, now we fight!"

Which would be great and all, but... Taako's not really feeling it right now? On account of him being a wizard with no wand? And a pretty useless mannequin body, magically speaking? So, after six seconds' consideration, Taako joins his mannequin brethren in the cheap seats to watch the show.

It's not a bad show, all told. Sure, Merle passes out, like, _instantly_ , and Magnus has a lot of trouble trying to fight Lydia - because she's fricking _intangible_ , dude! How many times have you tried to attack a lich, Magnus? Honestly. He's also reluctant to fight Edward full-out - the big dumb sap doesn't want to hurt Taako's body. Ditto Kravitz, which should be just as laughable but instead makes something in Taako's throat go _aww_ , which is gross.

Lydia keeps making giant oversized shit out of suffering to crush everybody to death, but the Red Robe keeps making giant oversized shit out of suffering to protect everybody, so that balances out pretty nicely. The Umbrastaff doesn't like Edward - damn right it doesn't - so he leaves it hooked on his belt and pulls out the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom. Too bad for him Taako's body has approximately zero experience with melee weapons so he can't really do shit with it.

Cam shows up and sacrifices himself to wake Merle up, which is... fine. Kind of pointless, it's not like Merle wouldn't have probably recovered eventually, but if a dude wants to go out like a hero bad enough he'll find a way.

Merle makes his wood arm divine and punches Edward in the face - of fucking course, Merle's probably wanted to do that for _ever_ \- and there's this holy light surrounding his fist, in the moment of contact? It looks pretty sweet, Taako won't lie. Anyway, Edward's thrown off his feet, the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom goes flying, and Lydia drops out of the air to make sure her bro's alright.

She's only distracted for a second, but that's all the time Kravitz needs.

The scythe slides through Lydia like butter. It doesn't leave a mark on her ghostly lich body, but something silvery-bright gets pulled out of her. Her soul, Taako guesses - though he would've thought being a lich would blacken her spirit, or something equally nasty. Kravitz takes hold of the soul, frowns at it, and after a long moment it vanishes. Once the soul is gone, Lydia's body reverts to her original, black-robed form, but it's only in that shape for a second before it falls apart, until nothing but ashes and a small copper bell remain.

The sound Edward makes is mournful and terrifying. It's a sound not meant to come out of a mortal body.

It's also... kind of familiar?

Edward lifts the Umbrastaff above his head. The staff starts to glow red-hot, charging up a spell the likes of which Taako's never seen before. "You... you've ruined _everything_!" Tears streaking down his cheeks, Edward brings down the Umbrastaff in a violent gesture to point at Kravitz. Taako has no doubt that the spell's radius will include everybody, even him way in the back, but fucking _shit_ does it suck to watch his guy get targeted.

And as the spell fires, Taako spaces out.

> He practically has to pull Lup onto the ship, which is - fucking ridiculous is what it is, it's not like her guy is gonna die, like, for _real_ or anything. She's still blasting fireballs at Hunger monsters in the distance as the door closes, and after that she presses her tear-stained cheek to the wall. Not like she can _see_ him, but she's acting like she can. Like she's watching him die, and it's killing her.
> 
> Nothing's gonna kill Lup, not on Taako's watch.
> 
> "Hey," he says, resting a hand on her shoulder. She turns to look at him, but doesn't start crying on his shoulder or anything, thank fuck. "It's okay, we'll see him again in like a minute."
> 
> She sniffs, an obnoxious, snotty noise that Taako's for _sure_ gonna mock her for later. "It's just... we were so close this time, Taako. We were almost _done_. And I - I don't know how many more times I can watch him die, you know?"
> 
> And before Taako can attempt something comforting, everything turns to jelly, and then into strings of light.

If Taako was in his body, he'd have to blink a few times as the world resettles around him.

Lup.

Holy fucking shit, _Lup_!

Something Taako hadn't known was out of place quietly shifts back into alignment. The weird lonely not-loneliness of his childhood suddenly makes _perfect fucking sense_ \- he'd been so completely unbothered by his lack of a place to call home because his home hadn't been a place. It'd been a _person_. His fucking twin sister, whose existence he's somehow _completely forgotten about_.

(Fucking - _how_?)

And as a sour explanation for his memory loss comes to mind, he realizes that Edward's spell hasn't so much fired as... well, _back_ fired.

Like, literally, the spell fired out the back. Hit Edward right in the face with a bright, burning light that left him shrieking in pain and writhing on the ground.

The Umbrastaff didn't fall with him; it hovers in midair, and when Edward finally goes still the umbrella part opens up and sucks him in - leaving Taako's body behind, thank _fuck_. After a violently magically interlude the staff dumps Edward onto the ground, drained of his power and crumbling to dust. Taako nearly spits on the dust, remembers that he doesn't have a mouth _or_ saliva right now, and does a little dance instead. It's a good dance; there's a lot of stomping and kicking involved. The cloud of dust he generates is _very_ cathartic.

While he's doing that, Magnus grabs the Animus Bell and tucks it away. Wonderland disintegrates around them, and the handful of others they'd known who'd been trapped in Wonderland make their greetings, their promises, and their farewells.

After all of them have wandered off, Taako plucks the Umbrastaff out of the air and twirls it thoughtfully in his hand. "Thanks, sis," he says quietly.

Magnus startles.

Merle frowns.

The Red Robe gets right in Taako's face, red bursts of static electricity crackling along his skin. "W̛̮͎̝̹̫ͫ̿̀͛͘͝H̙̱͙̯̯ͥ͛̂̓ͩA͔̩̟̭̼̜̞̗̋̓́̽̅͜T̪̥͉̮̞̠̄͋̂̿͒̉̇ ̷̠̗̉̓̇̂̕̕D̸̳̣͇̖͚͌ͮ̌̋ͩ͂ͦ̓I̴̛̲̳̍̒Ḑ̡̗̫̣̹̘̺̱ͯ̿ͫ͊̄ͩ ̵̸̫̮͖͑̂̍ͧ̉̓͆̽Ý̜͚O̖̮͈̪ͬ̌̄̋͡͡U̦̝̯̘͖̖͂͒̾͠ ̥͂ͨͮS̮̖̙͎͕̥̘̥̑̆̾͊̇̍͑̌̊͝A̶͐͒̑͆͗҉̙̼͕̝Y̧͕͕͉͂̃ͦͩ̑̏ͧͪ?̸̱͉͕̘̿ͥ"

"Whoa, hey! Back up, my man!"

Kravitz has his scythe out before you can blink. Magnus rushes in, all "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa!" and does his gosh-darned best to convince Kravitz to stop. Taako could've told him it won't do any good, but instead he gets to watch Kravitz twist around Magnus in a stupidly graceful move, putting him in the perfect position to swing his scythe down on the lich like a one-man guillotine.

"I warned you," Kravitz says as he swings downward. It's decently badass - and kind of hot too, Taako won't lie about that.

The mood's kind of spoiled when the lich jerks back out of reach, solidifying, and the scythe disappears.

Frozen in the middle of his swing, Kravitz says, "What the f- " and then he disappears too.

Just... gone. No rift to the astral plane, no dust or residue from being destroyed.

Not a thing.

 _Nothing_.

Taako pulls Lup's staff up to point at the lich. "What the _shit_ , man?!!" The staff shakes and shivers in his hand, trying to point in literally any other direction.

(Lup's staff doesn't want to be pointing at this guy. Lup's staff doesn't want to hurt this guy. Probably a good reason for that.

 _Tough fucking shit_.)

The lich sputters for a second. "I ̕͢͡d̢҉o҉ņ̴͘'̢͞t k̡̛n̴̢̡o̵̧w̢!͡"

" _Not_ fucking cool, dude, that's my boyfriend you just offed!"

Merle takes this moment to put two and two together and, aghast, says, "Your _what_?!"

Taako ignores this, as he does a good two-thirds of the shit Merle says. He has to use both hands to keep the fucking staff straight, but he manages. He's gonna blast this lich into next fucking week, even if the staff tears the arms off this shitty mannequin in the process. "I know he was trying to kill you and everything, but you didn't have to kill him BACK."

"I ͢d͞i̛dn͟'ţ! ̡ ͜I̸ di̸d ҉- t͟h̴̨a̧̡t̶̡ ̧w̸a͞͝͞sn̷͢'t͢ ̵̡̛m̵e!" the lich insists. "I ͡d͞o̶n't̵ k͏n̶o̶w̢ wh̵a͠t͠ ̧the͏ f̶u̵ck͡ ͟h͝a̡p̕p̨e̸ned ̡to̷ ̸h͟im,͡ ͝I ̧-͢ "

Magnus drops a hand on Taako's shoulder. "Taako."

He can tell just looking at the big doof what he's gonna say. _I believe him_ , like that fucking matters when... shit. Fucking... Taako lets the staff drop to the ground. He presses a hand to his stupid mannequin chest, like that'll do anything to get rid of this shitty hollow feeling. "Okay, but if _he_ didn't do it then who - "

"I ̧do͘n̢'͢t k҉n͠ow̢!̛"

" - the _fuck_ \- "

Magnus shakes Taako by the shoulder. "Taako." He holds out a healing potion. "I think you should get back in your body now." He isn't quite looking Taako in the eye? Like, maybe he wants Taako to think he is, but his focus is very obviously hovering just over Taako's shoulder. A) rude; B) that's really not how you get Taako to do what you ask.

"N̵o, ̴wa̛it - d̴o̢n͟'͡t͟͝,̧ ҉no͡t ̶y̧e҉͞t ̷̕-̢̨̛ ̵͝"

Somebody Taako doesn't trust at _all_ wanting him to do the opposite, on the other hand? That's a _great_ way to make Taako do shit. "Ha! Fat chance I'm listening to _you_ , buddy!" Taako tells the lich. He crouches down and inspects his body carefully. Good news: all the parts are there. Bad news: most of the parts are injured to one degree or another, thanks to Lup's staff fucking _blasting_ Edward while he was wearing it. And Disguise Self has worn off, so his face is... disappointing, but it's not the _worst_ thing Taako's ever seen. Whatever, that's something he can fix once he's back inside. He shoves the healing potion down his empty body's throat, watches for some of the wounds to heal up, and then takes a two-second hop up into the ethereal plane and down into his body.

It hurts to breathe, but hey - he's breathing again. That's a plus.

There's also this weird feeling in his chest, like something that should be there is gone? Two warring gut reactions tell him this is either totally normal or some bad bad shit, and Taako's too tired to figure out which impulse is right.

Merle is hovering over him when he opens his eyes. He looks disturbed, and confused. Taako redoes Disguise Self, sits up, and then, already regretting the question, says, "What?"

After a long moment of silence, Merle says, "The Grim Reaper's your _boyfriend_?"

Ugh. U g h.

"I was _dead_ a minute ago, he's _gone_ , and _that's_ your priority right now? Of _all things_." Merle nods, and Taako sighs. What the fuck _ever_. He covers his face with one hand and says, "I don't know, kind of? We never sat down and had the DTR convo or anything, but - "

"'DTR'?" asks the mannequin Taako was recently possessing.

With Kravitz's voice.

Taako slowly presses a palm into each eye socket, trying to shove the stinging back in. Stupid, _stupid_.

"'Define the relationship'," Merle says, an undertone of _even **I** knew that_ in his voice. A half-second later he remembers there shouldn't be anyone left possessing the mannequin and jumps to his feet. "The _hell_?"

"You scared the shit out of me, Krav," Taako says, too tired to properly describe the awful bottomless feeling. Staring at that empty space, it was like he'd tripped and fallen off a cliff as tall as the moon, no spell slots left, just staring at the inevitable end. Nothing left to do but scream, or cry, or cast a couple useless cantrips on the way down.

But of course he'd been fine. It was just fucking Wonderland fucking with Taako, making it seem like you can lose anything. Everything.

 _Fuck_ , does he need a vacation.

The mannequin drops down on one knee and pulls Taako's hands off his face and cradles them in its wooden hands, gentle like only a handful of people have ever been. "I know. I'm sorry, love."

Taako would like to say he can't stay mad at that face, but Kravitz is literally faceless right now. It's eerie as hell. "Gave me the emotional whiplash of the century, but it's fine," he mutters. " _Whatever_."

Kravitz presses the mannequin's head against the back of one of Taako's hands, which is... sweet in theory, but looks dumb as hell. And itches? Nobody ever properly sanded down these mannequins, for shame. While Taako tries to figure out if he just got a splinter, Kravitz stands up and asks the others if they have... raven feathers? Okay. And apparently Magnus's armor will do in a pinch, that's neat. Kravitz bends over a pentagram arrangement of feathers for a minute, nothing happening, then grumbles and starts pacing.

"Oh!" Merle snaps his fingers. "Is your god not answering either?"

"No. No, she's not." Kravitz stops mid-step and turns to face Merle. "And you follow... Pan, right?"

Merle huffs and crosses his arms. Oh boy, here it comes. "I'd hope you would remember, considering you _impersonated_ my god and told me to - "

"Then it's not just the astral plane that's been attacked by that... thing," Kravitz says. "The celestial plane's been attacked as well."

"Th͠e ̨░░░░ a͘lread͢y got̕ ͠t͟o͡ ͞the a͢şt̷r̢a̡l͡ pl̨an͡e͢?͏" the Red Robe asks, a familiar kind of static drowning out some of his words. That's... that's weird... "N̶ot ͡go̕o̸d͞, ̴r̨̨ea͜͝l̨̨l̵y̧ ͝not͘ good. ͠ T͘ha̢t͟'s ͢a lo̸t f͏as̕ter҉ th̸an͢ w͜e ̴e̷xp̨e̡c̴ţe̴d, e͠v̴en ̢takin͢g͏ into a̶c͘co̡un̶t h̢ow t̕h̵i͜n̶g̢s͘ ͡w̡ent̷ ͝the̴ ̶last͜ ͟f͏e̸w ̛ti͞meş.͠"

"'The last few times'? That... ░░░░ consumed _every soul in the astral plane_ \- how could this have _possibly_ happened before?"

"Yơu real͟l͠y̷ wan͠t t̶o ͠k͠n͘o̕w͟?" When Kravitz gestures impatiently, the Red Robe says, "I͏t's ͟p҉o͢ssi͜ble beca͡use ͏th͘e ░░░░ c͜an t͝r͞av̧e̵l ͢be̸t͠w͏e̕e҉n ░░░░."

"Oh." Kravitz considers this. "Wait, is _that_ why these three have so many deaths on record? Because they ░░░░░░░░░░░░?"

"Is _anybody_ going to explain why I'm hearing Voidfish static?" Merle demands. Oh, was that not just Taako? Cool, good to know.

"Yeah, um, now seems like a good time to mention that the Voidfish has a baby," Magnus says. When he gets a bunch of confused looks in response he adds, "That song the Voidfish sings? It's not really a song, the Voidfish is using musical notes to spell out "egg" and "babe", over and over again."

"Oh, _jeez_." That puts a really tragic twist on Johann's attempts at a duet with the Voidfish.

"Y̵o̡u three̛ n͡e̛e̶d t̵o g͠et̸ ͘i̕noc͘u͠l͞ated AS͝AP," the Red Robe says. And something about his tone of voice makes Taako _bristle_. Oh, _do_ we now? Says who?

Like, seriously, who the hell does this guy think he is?

"Hang on, Taako has a question," Taako says, raising a finger. He waits for everybody to shut up and look at him. "Why... are we listening to this guy?"

The Red Robe's form fucking... _shudders_. In a voice that sounds almost normal, like an actual person's voice, he says, " _We don't have **time** for this!_ "

Kravitz steps between Taako and the lich - kind of a pointless gesture, at this point, but sweet. "If you lose control again I _will_ find a way to destroy you, scythe or no," Kravitz warns him. He even puts on the work accent. It's... it's _really dumb_ how cute that is.

The Red Robe shakes all over once, and then the edges of his body settle back into something solid. "No ͜o͞ff͟e̶nse͡, bu͡t͘ if I l͟ǫs̕e ̸my ͞m͟įnd̸ įt ͢m҉e̴a͏n̸s ̕we've̶ ̡go̸t bi͝gg̢er ̴p̴r͏obl͜e҉m̢s ͜a͏t̡ ͘ha͡nd̸ ͢t̶h͠an͘ o̡n͢e ro̶gu̷e͢ l̸i͘c̷h̵," he says. "And̢ ͘on͡ ̛t̸hat ͝no̵te... ͘p͏lęase, gu҉ys. I͘ ̛ģe͝ţ it̢,̶ yǫu don͠'t͟ ̛t̵rust ̷m͞e̛,͡ b̶ut͘ p͢le̸ase, p̸̛l̕͘e̷̸a҉se,̵̢͠ c͝om̛e ̛w̷ith ͏m̵e a͝n҉y̧wa҉y.̕ I ̛ne̸e̶d you̸r͢ h̶elp͡, ͏an͞d t͏he̷n I ͠think͘ I mi͢ght҉ ͘be͜ abl͟e ͢t҉o͘ ͏gi̢ve y̸oų ̨so̸me̡ ̴ans̡w͟ers."

That gets Magnus's attention, and wherever Magnus rushes in Merle is sure to eventually waddle, but Taako is just... _done_ with all of this mysterious secret shit. So there's a second Voidfish, so fucking what. What implications does this have for all the work they've done for the Bureau? Taako can tell you one person who doesn't know or care: Taako "The Wizard" Taaco.

He's fine right here, just him and Kravitz, alone in the Wilds.

"So," Kravitz says thoughtfully. "How does a, uh, 'DTR convo'... how does that usually go, for you?"

Uh.

 _Um_.

Oh, hey, what do you know? Turns out the implications of a second Voidfish on all the work they've done for the Bureau are actually _super interesting_! So interesting, in fact, that's Taako's just gonna go ahead and run and catch up with the Red Robe and ask him tons of super important, super interested questions that absolutely can _not_ be interrupted for _any reason whatsoever_.

**Author's Note:**

> Hat tip to <https://eeemo.net/> for the Spooky Red Robe Voice text.


End file.
